Finding TIME for ME!

From the desk of Shilo Taylor Sunday, October 18, 2009…

Have you ever had those moments where you could either laugh or cry… and you cried? Those moments where you’ve tried everything and a good cry is the only thing left to do?

I had one of those moments this morning. James and I were away in Punta Cana, Dominican for 10 days last month and only just returned on Oct 5th - so I should be relaxed, rejuvenated and full of enough energy to go for months now right?! Well, I thought so!! (no unrealistic expectations there, eh!! That is a whole ‘nother article!)

Then reality hit and this was the most difficult transition that I personally have experienced integrating from a workshop “high” back into my life. Thump!

My step-son is 16 and in grade 11. He suffers from a rare (LOL) issue called “perfectionism” and has an internal standard of excellence: only 90+% will do!! Less then that and he is in turmoil striving for ways to negotiate a better grade, do something extra etc. However in all that mental gymnastics, he has a tendency to fall behind in other subjects, creating more turmoil and need (in his mind anyway) to make-it-up, do better, wheel and deal, which puts him behind on something else… and so the downward cycle goes. And so the turmoil at home grows.

We arrived home to messages from the school that David has been absent from class since the previous week. Turns out that David’s downward spiral has become so acute that he felt powerless and had stayed home to “catch-up”… yet in the overwhelm he hadn’t done much.

Little did I know that David would be such an amazing mirror for me!

So, thus came the meetings at the school with his guidance counsellor and teachers - getting a handle on what actually is over-due, coming due and what is coming down the pipe over the next week or so. With many conversations, assistance in prioritizing and organizing, ready-fire!-aim take action steps and more, he has returned to school and is gradually getting things done.

David’s Lessons: staying in class helps reduce the build-up of assignments and tests, even if it means working on past assignments in the library and staying after class a couple of times to get extra help. And… Asking for extra help, though sometimes difficult, isn’t fatal.

Interestingly enough for me, David became one of those same “must do” items in my own perfectionist spiral! In addition to the meetings at the school, and supporting David at home, not to mention client sessions and activities, plus follow-up and training in our Isagenix businesses, we are also in the midst of selling our house! So I have my own epic to-do list… with my own internal standard of “90+%”!! (There’s those darn unrealistic expectations again!!) Round and round I have been going, getting some stuff done, finding more to do, more and more admin projects in the office slipping, adding more and more to my busy to-do list!! Sound familiar?!?!

I am reminded today that in the midst of “busyness”, as the demands of a full life increase, my self love and my self care time needs to increase too - not decrease as a time-saving technique! So, today as I laid in bed sniffing and snorting, shedding tears and snot by the handful, I surrendered. I poured out my “backlogged” list of woes to my amazing husband who just listened and handed me more Kleenex (I could buy shares in Kleenex - I know with my use alone, they will never go out of business! JJ, LOL). Between my sniffing and sobbing, I murmured, “I just want everyone and everything to be okay…”

And there came my light-bulb moment!! I have been so caught up in making it okay for everyone else, that I fell off my own love and care list - somehow, since returning home from Punta Cana, I forgot to bone-up on my own personal practices of love and self care: in time, in personal attention, and in deed. I have my regular practices and routines, but in the face of greater stresses and emotional drain/triggers, in the face of backlog, I didn’t go in for “extra help after school”. I didn’t allot the extra nurturing that I needed to be able to “stay in school” - my own school of life!

Shilo’s humble Lessons learned from David: to reduce the build-up of stress, turmoil and anxiety, when life gets busy and emotional triggers increase, I need to:

* feel the feelings fully, and
* getting caught up on my to-do list means more time to BE not more epic time racing around adding more to the to-do list!!

It means:

* adding extra time into my schedule (yes, I actually scheduled it in!) each day for nurturing, and
* ask for help! Take the time to share with my man - or a beautiful sister. Just taking that time to share brings about the acceptance to what actually is (not what my ego would prefer it to be - that darn 90+%!), creates breathing space for Grace to enter and Divine knowledge and wisdom to flow!

Try some of these ideas the next time you find yourself in one of those all too familiar scenarios!!

And so… after a lengthy bath with bubbles and peace & quiet, a love affair with my body moisturizing cream, slowly sipping a cup of hot tea wrapped in my cozy quilt in front of the fireplace and enjoying the serenity of not do-ing anything, I am slowly coming back to center! I am excited about the rest of my decadent self care that I have scheduled, because For Today: this is only the beginning!

~ with love, Shilo